


What might have been lost

by princessfart



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: 10 years into the future idk, Drabble, Gen, epilogue kind of deal thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 05:30:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4379126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessfart/pseuds/princessfart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(FUTURE FIC) (CANON DEVIANCE) In a rainy afternoon, Ronan thinks about the friend he lost 10 years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What might have been lost

I miss your face quite terribly.

 

The way i used to hold your face between my hands, all warm smiles and fluterring eyes. My heart tearing inside my chest in ways it never did before, having your face enclosed between me meant the whole world to me.

 

In another universe, i grew up and held your hand in the supermarket, bees swarmed around you but their sting did not kill you. In another life, an scenario when they swarmed your body as a chuld, it did kill you. And then in another universe, and years back into the past, you die by drowning, looking for a lost king that turned out to be you.

Another universe, a less tragic one, where you live on, but we never learn that we talk the same language inside our hearts.

In other world, i don´t make things inside my dreams, you live a peaceful life miles away from me, i miss something i don´t know in that other universe, and it´s you: of course.

 

I sincerely do wish, and hope, with all the strenght my heart allows, that this was the one world were we were meant to be together. I know death was going to come and find you someday, but i dreamt we were both older, the both of us. In the future, we could be living in different houses, different lives. But we would go on, connected by a string of red yarn that we shared as well with the people that came at night to sleep in our bed. 

Maybe one of those strings was already cut, way back when we were all little kids, maybe yours was already loose, but we were all born with those strings dangling in our hand, now if move our hand, they would move along with us, but now i got two left, and i can´t play a symphony.

 

The first months were tough, much like hell , they were the worst i´ve ever lived, i have lost a mother and a father and a brother. Yet, somehow the idea of the world going on without you, of the thing you put all your beautiful hopeful heart betraying you so much that you had lost your life in the process. It broke me down in tears and sent me into the woods in my head over and over again.

 

I felt constantly like i was drowning, i still do, but those months it was the only thing i knew. When the water was cooling down the heat in my face, coming from my anger, when the water was taking my legs with it´s strong pull, drowning me into the pits of whatever else existed in the world.

I continued to live in a void 

It was a void i could not shake off, i saw her losing her colors, one by one. I saw Adam with bruised knuckles all over again. In my dreams, instead of finding that world where i became an unwilling god, i had memories of you, scrawling letters on paper. Your glasses almost falling off from your nose , that time you corrected an essay and called me out on the “abuse of purple prose, why would you even do that, Ronan?”. Your laugter and hands on the wheel of the car, steering as well my life into places i didn´t know before.

 

Years have gone by, and yes, the sound of your laughter, the tone of your voice, waiting for the day you would come back as a ghost and i could punch you in the arm and call you “motherfucker” and get chastised about "language". The whole image i had of you, laying in Blue´s arms, for eternity, the five of us, ever present and inmortal, unreachable to any danger and safe as long as i could protect us, i prayed to a god that might not even listen to me, i asked him for one thing only and i never got it.

 

I asked for you back, alive, that was my wish.

 

You never came back.

**Author's Note:**

> i´m sorry.


End file.
